Nowadays, ICOs have become a widespread method of collecting money. Companies whose product isn’t even crypto related make their own “Coin” to get money.
In this article, we will have a look at Jeff, the typical creator of such ICOs. Unfortunately, he isn’t real, but you will find a bit of Jeff in every ICO. Jeff will live on forever.
Hello, my name is Jeff. Today I’d like to tell you something about my ICO Coin. I am convinced that it will be a 100x moon.
I’m in my early forties, and I run a mediocre company. To be honest, I’ve always been interested in the Bitcoin and have been following it since it hit 100$. Recently, I decided to buy 10 BTC when it hit 19’000$. Oh well, guess I have to #hodl now, as the experts say. Even though I made some minor losses with my investment into crypto assets, I have extensive knowledge in blockchain and have come up with an elaborate plan to make up for my losses and to support my company.
It would have been a wise choice to invest some of my companies capital into other crypto assets – it’s called diversity – however, investing into other Bitcoins such as Ethereum was not an option for me, because Coinbase banned my account. Unfortunately, their support is just telling me to be patient “while their experts are processing my appeal”.
Anyways, I digress. Some of my acquaintances have told me I missed out on the crypto boom – this is not true! I saw on Reddit that the Tezos ICO Coin got 230 Million Dollars. Having a degree in economics, I was able to conclude that the market still has some potential for another ICO Coin. Now here’s my plan. I will make an ICO for my company.
I don’t know yet how I would implement the coin in any of our work – we produce blinker fluid for helicopters – but that doesn’t matter. We will simply say that we will pay out profit to the token holders. It’s as if we got a credit and we have no obligation to pay it back!
For the coin development, I’ve heard that all have to do is “spoon” another token, effectively duplicating it for our needs.
The ICO Coin
I’ve had the ingenious idea to call it the Helicopter Coin (HCC). It will be distributed to investors at a price of 1 BTC = 1’000’000 HCC to make people think they are rich since they are able to purchase so many. I don’t know how to do this, so I will have to hire a developer to do this.
We will stick to a typical ICO website with many gradients, logos, 3D animations and good UX. Almost all of our budget will be spent on this, producing a Beta, MVP or testnet is not that important – a cool website should be enough to get kids to invest. Another import part of the site is the profit calculator. We will make a slider that shows people how quick they will be rich.
Developers are quite expensive; this is why we will only hire one since our Coin does literally nothing, it will be a generic ETH-20 Coin that only serves as a share. However, we will employ a few advisors, and the only women on our team will be good-looking community managers.
Who actually reads a whitepaper before investing? I didn’t when buying my Bitcoins. Haha. We will hire a PR agency to create a simple document showcasing how cool the Helicopter Coin is. Apart from this, it doesn’t matter – if the website is nice enough people will invest anyways.
Dear executives, no one wants to invest into your ICO. I understand that you want more money and to be “modern”, but there is no need to slap “Blockchain” onto everything. Go apply for a loan or look for real investors if your product isn’t even remotely related to cryptocurrencies. ICOs should only be held if the token will be used for something. There are way too many tokens that are simply a sort of “share” with 0 payout guarantees.
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